On Grief
When PSDN needs PSDN?
Grief:
That crushing, heavy pain deep in the chest – check
The aching lump in the very back of our throat – check
The burned-out eyes and headaches from crying – bado kidogo
The mood swings, the numbness – check
The absolute intensity of feelings and emotions – check
Optimistic view/silver lining:
“I will gladly suffer the hurt and pain of grief and loss as the payment for the love, good times, and wonderful memories I have been privileged to share with those I love.” I guess it all balances out in the end.
According to wikipedia, resiliency is the key to not going through the stages of grief. I think that’s just pure horseshit. Sure, it’ll make bouncing back easier, but you’re not going to bypass thee grieving process entirely, unless you’re just emotionally fucked up…but then you wouldn’t really be resilient.
The 5 stages of grief model is inadequate. I buzzed through denial pretty fast (via digging up a news article from Google and rechecking facebook), the anger stage took maybe 5 minutes, I skipped bargaining and depression. I’m not quite at acceptance yet, but I suppose I’m getting there. As I’m at work right now on a business trip of all things, I haven’t quite let myself think about it too much. It’ll really be impossible to grieve AND concentrate on this systems admin stuff.
Numbness, Disorganisation, and re-organisation are another model for stages of grief (re: Living with an Empty Chair). I think it’s a better one, for me at least. I’m in the numbness category, where my behaviours are mostly mechanical responses, disconnected from the people around me and emotionally I’m not well. According to this model, disorganisation (intense feelings of loss) is going to happen as soon as I let myself actually think more about this, and reorganisation (re-entry into “normal” social life) will eventually happen.
In American culture, grieving used to be ritualistic, as in people wore black or didn’t go to social functions for a set time period. In Tz culture, there’s a set amount of time a family is expected to grieve and then life goes on. In American culture today though, grieving is unfettered by social expectations. And thus, as an American living in Tanzania, what do I do?
RIP Karl.
